I cant do this anymore?

hey im a male and im 15 yrs old. i recently asked a question and i asked if i could be anorexic. haha funny i kno i cant be anorexic cuz im a guy but i have recentley felt so obsesed with counting calories and exercising and wanting to lose wieght i was 184 lbs 3 weeks ago im now 168. i really love to eat but i just cant do it its so hard cuz when im eating it i feel so fat and like a big piG. and after i feel lke such a failure but i dont want to feel this way. i hate my body i wish i was thin and muscular like all the guys. i guess i try to avoid food but not because i want to starve my self but because i want to avoid how i will feel after. i have been only drinking water and vitamin water. and i only eat vegtable soup with lime and hot sace probably once a day. and i have been sleeping alot latlely to so thats also why i dont eat. i just want to be better is there any medication that could help me or aything???